This is another post for my About Life column…
… today I want to write about change. I was inspired by various really nice people, by conversations, the slow living conference (I posted about it here) and also by my husband to write this post.
I guess its not new to anyone out there that we change over time. We think differently when we grow older, we behave differently, we change our interests and hobbys, we change our style, we somehow change who we are all the time. Of course we are always the same persons and there are many things that do not change when it comes to our personality, our thoughts and our ideologies – but many do change.
Since I started this blog (that was back in 2012!) I changed. When I started this blog I just left northern Germany and moved to Eastern Germany. Since I left my hometown, I did not have many friends in my new home in the beginning and when university started I found my friends solely at university. I found the most wonderful friends, thats for sure, but, since we got to know eachother from university, all we talked about was university related. I was studying African Politcs and Economics and my husband (boyfriend at the time) was studying European Politics and Economics and all my friends were from the same area, so all we talked about was politics! We had endless discussions about how to make this world a better place through the right policies, how to behave in society (very abstract though), which theories were bad and which teories were okay, etc. etc. it was great and I was very inspired, but I realized after some time that all of this was only one part of me – there was this other girl inside me that wanted to talk about fashion, about what to wear and where to shop and about cosmetics and make up and about food and all those topics that were thought to be “superficial”. I could never have talked about these topics with my friends because I would have been afraid that they could think I am stupid and superficial. So I never talked about these things with anyone (except my poor husband who had to listen to me when I explained him why I was wearing this or that outfit this or that day ;)). And then – to be able to live this side of me – I started blogging.
As I told you already in previous posts, I did not tell anyone (except my husband) about my blog since I thought it superficial and stupid to blog and to talk about clothes and food and those kind of things. And I just kept it going for years, not putting too much effort in it because I somehow thought that its stupid anyway (its not world politics so how can it not be stupid 😉 ?). Then, when I finished university I was lost for a while and then I began to realize what I really love doing (I have been posting about this a little back here).
By now, I know that topics such a clothes, cosmetics and food – especially food actually – are just what I really like. This does not mean that world politics are no longer important to me, but they are no longer the sole topic I allow myself to show interst in. And this is now where I want to make my point – after I realized that I am not the girl that is 100% academic I ALLOWED myself to show interest in the area of interests I was hiding for a long time. Along with that actually went a huge change: the moment I allowed myself to show interest e.g. in clothes and I started talking more with other people about this interest, I began thinking about in which way I want to be related to this topic – and I took the decision to buy only organic, fair trade or second hand clothes (find out more about that here) because this is much more consistent with my ideologies and values. And when I began talking more about food, I realized that people do not think that I am stupid but that they find it intersting and I realized that its okay to be intersted in food (yes, this may sound stupid to some of you but coming from a family of academics it really is a big step to prefer talking about food than philosophy!) and so I realized that it is okay to change. And to be authentic. And to show what I like. And maybe even to talk about my blog sometime. Because sometimes it seems that it is not that stupid that I always thought it is. 🙂
Now what again has this to do with change? Well, when I realized that its okay to talk about food, about general thoughts, about cosmetics and clothes, my first impulse was to create an entire new blog. Because I thought “okay, now I am okay with what I like and now I will make a really good blog with only organic fashion from the beginning and only pretty food images etc.” and I really started planning a new blog. But then I stopped and I thought “hey, its okay to change and my readers are allowed to see this change!”. And thats where I am now – I think its okay that I do not like some of my older posts wearing clothes I got from bad brands and even promoting these, but I will leave them there on my blog anyway because they show how I changed and my future posts will show how I change in the future and all of that is okay.
My blog will certainly change again and again over time and I hope that I will be able to be more and more proud of it and maybe even tell more and more people about it. I may loose some readers over time and win others and I will loose some partners over time and win others. And somehow I feel like that I will not regret the losses and always be happy about the new additions 🙂
Wow, in case you really read all of that – I love you ;)! Thank you for showing so much interest!
I would love to know your thoughts on this! Are you proud of blogging? Are you proud of yourself? Are there parts of you you prefer to hide?
Sending much love!